I was going to skip my card this morning. Do it later. I’m tired (one of the dogs I’m looking after barked basically non-stop from midnight to four, despite being let out and cuddled. Turns out he wanted to sleep in the living room instead of the kitchen. What a twerp.)
I did it, though, because I really appreciate the moment of calm and the reflective pause that it offers. So I fed the dogs, sat down, shuffled and drew.
Mother of Wands from The Wild Unknown tarot
Mother of Wands.
This card is everywhere for me these days, but always in a spread to do with relationships. I think on its own, it’s an invitation to think about what this card might mean for me, myself. The liner notes say that the Mother of Wands is ‘attractive, vibrant.’ That’s one aspect of the card that doesn’t usually resonate so much for me. Usually when I see this card, I see more of what Happy Fish tarot describes – the willingness to know and defend what’s best for her and her loved ones.
Today, though, I’m thinking about vibrancy and attractiveness. Specifically, I’m thinking about those parts of myself that I find most attractive. My courage, my open-heartedness, my enthusiasm.
I think I’m going to take today to think about the person that I most want to be, and how I might invite that person more into my daily life.
I woke up early this morning. I couldn’t sleep. Anxiety and hope fluttering in my belly. I thought about forcing myself to go back to sleep, but I decided that was silly. Got up, turned on the kettle, drew my card (also checked social media and my horoscope, because, anxiety).
So the Eight of Swords, reversed.
The Eight of Swords from The Wild Unknown tarot.
There’s the cocoon. The keywords for this card in the liner notes are “trapped, powerless.” I like that I got it reversed. That the time of feeling trapped is almost done, it’s coming to an end. There is forward-moving energy, and this feels like such a hopeful card. The swords do, as Happy Fish Tarot says, appear to be threatening the butterfly. But sometimes you have to come out of your cocoon even if you feel like the swords are threatening. Sometimes you have to make a choice to move towards freedom, even when it’s terrifying.
This card shows those times where there seems to be no solution in sight, no matter how hard we try to think of one. The harder we think, the more trapped we believe we are.
The imagery here draws some similarities to the Waite-Smith depiction, which shows a woman bound and blindfolded. The butterfly is bound up around itself, unable to find a way to navigate the surrounding swords and stretch its wings.
This card shows those times when we feel stuck, and worse yet, we doubt our own ability to disentangle ourselves. It can become tempting to give up our personal power and wait for another person or an outside circumstance to offer assistance.
In a reading, this card can ask you to look at the stories you are telling yourself about your options. If you seem to be stuck or entrenched in mental fog, this card can remind you to take steps towards reclaiming your personal power.
Of course, this is easier said than done! You can begin by changing your thoughts, updating your stories. Instead of focusing on your confusion and lack of clarity, train yourself to look for steps – even small steps – towards freedom. When you consciously choose to loosen your mental constraints, a path forward will begin to emerge.
I read the reversal as indicating that this process has begun. This energy is present – both the feeling of being trapped, and the encouragement to move beyond it.
I’ve used the metaphor of the butterfly a lot lately for myself and for my springtime love. I think that the traumatic break in April forced us both into cocoons, and now we each have a choice as to whether we emerge or stay trapped and powerless.
I want to choose expansiveness. I want to choose to fight my way out of this fog, out of this cocoon, to continue to grow. Shake these wings off and fly. I want him to do the same, to meet me there (and now the image of The Lovers from The Wild Unknown seems even more clear). I can’t make that choice for him, though. All I can do is make the choice for myself and trust that if we’re meant to fly together, we will. We were pretty rad caterpillars together. And they’ve shown that butterflies remember what they learned as caterpillars, despite the cataclysmic change of metamorphosis (is there anything more emblematic of the cataclysmic change than turning to goo and then reforming, mind intact? I don’t think so.).
This cocooning has been awful. Painful. Hard. But I am grateful for the opportunity to grow into my better self.
I think it’s time to come out of the cocoon. It’s time to become this new self.
This week was all about the elements in the Minor Arcana suits. It had me thinking about balance, and looking for where I’m connected to the elements in my own life. Today was a day of particularly emotional … emotions … so it seemed like it was about time to do the Four (except I added Spirit) Elements reading.
And hoo boy, these cards, man. These cards.
So.
The Four Elements Spread from the Alternative Tarot Course.
Your situation at this moment
The earth of your situation
The water of your situation
The air of your situation
The fire of your situation
The spirit of your situation (added by me, haha, sorry Beth!)
And this was my spread –
Four* Elements Spread with the Wild Unknown deck.
The heart of the situation – the reversed Two of Pentacles. Blocked from being balanced. And there’s so much in this card that resonates for me in my situation with my springtime love. The butterfly, which is the metaphor I’ve constantly been drawn to for what we are both going through. The reversal – being blocked from becoming that fully realized butterfly. I think that he is currently in the process of deciding whether coming out of his cocoon is a risk he’s willing to take, and all I can do is hope that he does. And the infinity symbol there… A lot of feelings. A *lot* of feelings.
Then my earth. My foundation. The Five of Pentacles. Oh, yes, the Five of Pentacles indeed. Sadness. Grief. Loss. And that rose is so alone. This card, as soon as I flipped it, hit me hard in the heart. This is my earth right now. Deep grief, heavy loss. Is it the same rose as in the Two of Cups? I think so. My heart says yes. My heart says that if he came back, we could transform this dropping flower into something vibrant and alive. But that’s not the present. The present is sadness.
Then my water. My emotions, my heart. The Chariot, reversed. Another blockage, another instance where there is something stopping me from moving forward, from progressing. The Chariot is such a hopeful, positive, powerful card and I feel, just like in the reversal of the Two of Pentacles, that we are *so close* to movement, and yet still so far away.
Then my air. My intellect, my wide-open spaces, my expansiveness (that’s how I picture air, anyway, maybe because all my guided meditations end with picturing your mind emptying into a clear sky). The Ace of Wands. Again. Always this card! It tells me there is hope, there is growth coming, there is beauty up ahead. But it doesn’t tell me whether that happens with or without him, and I hate the cards for that (even though I don’t believe they tell the future. Still, I want them to! God, I want them to). Again, the anger that points to where I’m feeling trapped and helpless and off balance and out of control. That anger is becoming a very useful tool for recognizing the spaces where I’m letting myself down.
Then my fire. My spark, my drive. Temperance. Balancing fire and water, holding seemingly incompatible elements in balance with each other. This feels hopeful, and accurate. I am good at this. Feeling fear and acting despite it. Sitting with discomfort and doing the work of processing it. I am willing to do this work. And I am good at it. It’s part of what makes me who I am.
Finally, my spirit. The Wheel of Fortune, reversed. And an owl there, of course. Because I am on this path because of my love, because our connection made me feel that there is, perhaps, something ineffable between us and within me, and I wanted to explore that. But reversed, because again there is that something blocking forward movement. That’s the whole spread, right there. So much potential, and something blocking any movement forward.
But a reversed card isn’t permanent, I don’t think. Blocks can be moved. And if I flip them all, it looks like this –
Still a reading with sadness in the foundation, but look at all the movement, all the progress. Finding balance, finding peace, moving forward. And when I look again at this spread, I see how the drooping flower in the Five of Pentacles is given new life in the Ace of Wands. And I can see the Wheel of Fortune up there in the corner, with that owl, and I think that whatever happens, there is a connection here. And it’s good.
If I read the spread top to bottom, this is what jumps out at me –
I start in this sadness. Yes, I can’t deny that and I can’t change that. That card is solid, and that card is my foundation right now. Five of Pentacles, I see you. I acknowledge you.
But then up, to the Two of Pentacles and to the butterfly – coming out of the cocoon and into balance, into an “always”ness that was already present, but needed to be recognized and accepted.
And up again, to the Ace of Wands and to a new beginning, to the flowers blooming, to the bright potential there.
And up, once more, to the Wheel of Fortune and the owl that will always be my love, and to moving through difficult times into better ones and then back into difficulty (but maybe together, this time?).
It feels hopeful.
Things may be stuck right now, but they won’t stay stuck forever. And once they unstick, they will be amazing.
Eight of Pentacles from The Wild Unknown tarot
I woke up in my niece’s bed (both my niephlings are with their dad this weekend) and I felt overwhelmed. Lost and alone and sad – I had dreams all night, and it’s so rare for me to remember them. I dreamed about my springtime love, the dreams I have often, the only ones I seem to remember, where we are together. I mean, I get it, my subconscious is not subtle in her desires. But it makes the mornings hard.
So I woke up sad. Checked email, Facebook, Twitter, and then stopped. This isn’t what grounds me. This isn’t what brings me back to myself. I grabbed the deck at the foot of the bed, shuffled, and drew.
And there she is. That dedicated spider working hard at her web. Spiders scare me, but I don’t kill them. I recognize how valuable they are in the environment and I also don’t think that my fear justifies me causing harm, so for the most part I leave them alone or if my partner is home, they’ll take them outside.
Visually, I find this card overwhelming. She’s at the centre of that intricate web and although she’s in control of her work, there’s not a lot of visual space on the card. There’s not a lot of openness, not a lot of room to breathe. The eight Pentacles on the sides of the card feel, to me, like bars on a cage. I’m reading a lot of my own feelings into this card today, the sense of overwhelm, of being trapped, of being unable to make progress.
But that’s not what this card is about. It’s about skill, craftsmanship, creativity and work. It hints to me that maybe the way through (could it be that those bars are not a cage, but a hallway?) is to keep working and to do the work that I’m best at.
And there’s hope in this card, even if there’s not a lot of open space. The edge of the card has a thin rainbow line, a barely-visible promise of open sky and space to breathe and hope.
And, too, it’s Pentacles. A lot of pentacles. A lot of reminders to stay grounded, to be present. I needed that today.
I’m going to do some creative stuff today, finish staining my wood project, and maybe do some sewing. Get my spider on.
This spread, with the Wild Unknown tarot, made me laugh. (It comes from Barbara Moore’s book Tarot Spreads.)
So, briefly (since I’m on my phone, at my sister’s house).
Left to right:
Why do I want him back? The Lovers. Yes. Fuck, yes. Oh, my heart. He is home for me, and this is my favourite representation of this card – the geese flying together in the same direction, growing together and helping each other soar. This is exactly why I want him back. Because we can have this, together.
Why do I not want him back? Reversed Four of Swords – yes! Because our relationship, as it is(n’t) right now absolutely does block my inner stillness. The Four of Swords is a really important card for me, and when I saw this reversal it really resonated. I do want him back, but I don’t want the pain and uncertainty of this limbo.
What went wrong? The Magician. I mean. Yeah! I snorted when I saw this. Because yes, The Magician is a powerful positive card, but there’s also an element of manipulation there, and a shifty side-eye from that cheetah. AND at the same time, what went wrong? Not using the positive aspects here! Not owning our personal power and making choices and taking actions that would have been positive. Hoping for the best without doing the work to make it happen. Rejecting the parts of The Magician that are good and powerful, and not moving into the balance that this card offers. The Magician is one of those cards that calls out my codependency and offers an alternative. What went wrong? Not taking that alternative.
What to let go of? Oh, my heart. Reversed Three of Swords. Let go of the heartbreak, the betrayal.
What to learn? Ten of Cups. Harmony and joy. How hopeful is that? That’s super hopeful. And I hope it loops around, and I can bring my newly learned harmony and joy into a new beginning with my lover.
There’s a lot that I love about this card. The hopefulness of it, the movement towards the goal, and way the halo looks kinda like a space helmet and I picture this as a scene from 50,000 Leagues Below The Fae Sea. The Sci Fi Arthurian Saga: Lancelot Goes Swimming. (Though, our friend looks pretty close to finding the Grail, so I guess it’s more likely to be Galahad, right? But I’ve always had more of an affinity for flawed, big-hearted, loves-too-much, queer-as-fuck, heart-first Lancelot.)
It makes me feel silly, and happy, and hopeful. I like feeling these things. They’ve been in short supply lately.
I also love that this card evokes those feelings because the knight is on/in the water, and that’s okay. He’s not drowning. (He’s got his space bubble helmet!) Water is something that has always terrified and delighted me. I am petrified of drowning, and didn’t learn to swim until my 30s. But I love being near the water, and now that I can tread water, I love being in it. So, on a more serious note, this card, for me personally, says that I won’t drown in these terrifying depths and that the way to get to my Grail is to stay in the water.
Critical open-endedness – is “the water” my willingness to stay in limbo, not knowing when or if my springtime love will return? Or is “the water” my inner work around healing codependency and earlier trauma and solidifying my sense of self and my mindfulness and presence and ability to “allow, allow, allow”?
…
Okay, fine, it’s not really open-ended. Fine, fine. The cards are mine, the journey is mine, the message is mine. Especially a card of the day, I think. This isn’t telling me to stay in the water of my hope for my love – it isn’t saying anything about that. This is about me. My grail is not a relationship with him, it’s a relationship with me. Blah blah self-awareness blah. Kidding! Ish. I am happy that I can see myself here, and recognize how being with myself is the most important relationship and one I have neglected for decades. I appreciate that perspective that tarot offers me on a daily basis, I do.
So, onward. In this water, deep and dark and delightful, towards my goal.
The Suit of Pentacles feels like home. Staying grounded is often the hardest thing for me (getting grounded, even, until very recently) and for the first month that I was reading tarot, it was Pentacles all over the place. I found them comforting, reassuring, encouraging. The Seven of Pentacles is one of my favourite cards, and one that I come back to over and over as I check in with myself regarding my ability to stay open to my springtime love. The Ace of Pentacles is another touchstone – come back to your breathe, it tells me. Seeds have been planted, and now they will wither or flourish or bloom here or over there, and you can’t rush a seed.
Today I drew the Three of Pentacles.
This is another favourite card. When I did the Little Red Tarot “begin now, with what you have” spread, the Two and Three of Pentacles (along with the Knight of Pentacles) were in my foundation. Balance, community, and perseverance. It felt good.
Today I noticed something I hadn’t noticed in that reading months ago. Today, the first thing I saw was that she was being held by someone else. I hadn’t seen that the first time, or not consciously. The first time I looked at this card, I just saw her, building. Now I see the relationship that allows her to build.
They are working together, a team.
I am blessed with an amazing community. Friends and beloveds and family (chosen and given). My sibling is a badass feminist and a queer-friendly child-birth educator. My niephlings are the chaotic joyfulness of my heart. My best friends are amazing. I am lucky. So lucky.
The Three of Pentacles reminds me of that. And also reminds me of the strength that can come from the right relationships. Last night I was thinking about the quote from Lao-Tzu, “being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” This card seems to symbolize everything good about that quote.
I’ve had a therapy-full couple days – I saw my psychologist yesterday, and we talked about The Feels. And then I saw my cranio-sacral therapist today, and we also talked about The Feels. But different Feels. Or, the same Feels but from different angles. Right now, while things are really difficult, and since I am working so effing hard on tending my inner garden, I’ve been finding it really helpful to have the two complementary therapies working side-by-side. And I am fortunate to have a psychologist who is supportive of my queerness and my non-binary gender and my poly and my kink and on top of all that, my new exploration of some kind of spirituality. She’s basically the best.
So it was all the therapy and all the tears. Sweet baby dragons, I cried all the fucking tears. Today, with her hand on my belly, my therapist said “have you ever wanted to be a mom?” and OH MY GOD. The sobbing. The hand-on-heart, whole-body sobbing. Because there are exactly two children in this world that I have been eager to share my every-day with, and they… well. They are not in my life right now. At all. And wow. Wow. I don’t often let myself touch that particular pain, because it’s a specific form of awful. But she asked, and my body answered. It’s a complicated answer – the answer is “no, I have never wanted to be a mother and I will never have biological children” but it is also “there’s a piece of my heart that I happily handed to two tiny humans, and as much as I love the other tiny humans in my life, these two… I thought they would be in my life always and I wanted that more than anything and it terrified and bewildered me even at the time and now, without that, it’s just a them-shaped gap that I barely even comprehend.” When I first met my cranio-sacral therapist and she was asking about my state, she thought there had been a pregnancy. There wasn’t. Won’t ever be – this uterus is a baby-free zone – but there are those two little humans. Fuck, that hurts.
Anyway.
After all the therapy and all the tears, I had a tea-and-tarot date with one of my best friends.
We went to Chapters and I got some things for the kids’ room in my place – there are lots of little people who share time with me – and I got a gift for one of my partners, and I took a picture of some owl beanies and I bought an owl teapot and basically I am pathetic and sentimental but it was okay. And then we went back to her place and I did a reading for her and she did a reading for me.
That’s my new deck – it just arrived yesterday. It’s The Wild Unknown and it’s gorgeous. I’ve had a few readings done with this deck before – one of my good friends has it, and Beth from Little Red Tarot used it for my reading (which I’ll be writing up and sharing soon). Anyway.
It’s a slightly modified past-with-commentary, present-with-commentary, future-with-commentary. Modified to add that seventh card because the reading just didn’t feel done until I did that. My question was “what’s happening with my springtime love”? (Because I am predictable as fuck. *facepalm*)
So. My past. The Four of Wands. Completion and celebration. Every time I’ve done a past-present-future spread, the past is glorious. And I always think, yes. It was. It was amazing. He showed me that it was possible to be loved for all the parts of me that I didn’t think anyone would even want to share, let alone adore. He gave me back parts of myself that had been lost to trauma decades before. So, celebration? Yes.
And the commentary – Mother of Swords. Experienced, all-seeing. Because I thought that I knew what the future was going to hold. I thought I knew. I thought it would be us, always. That’s what we said, over and over. Us, always. Always, always, always. And there’s an owl on that card, just to fuck with me. Yes. That is my past. Yes.
And then the present – the Six of Cups. I’ve written about her before. In the liner notes for The Wild Unknown, this card is memories, childhood. And that also is accurate. So accurate. What I’m working on right now is undoing old habits and old patterns of relating and being, things deeply rooted in my childhood. And also reclaiming lost ways of being, rooted even more deeply in that child-self. Reacquainting myself with my child-self, relearning the lost art of feeling safe and wild and free.
The commentary – Temperance. Another card I’ve drawn a few times, and one that I struggle with. The liner notes say “healing, renewal, balance.” I am trying. Fuck, am I ever trying…
Then the future. And my breath held as the cards turn over, and I want an answer this time. I want definitive. I want to know! I don’t even believe that tarot can tell the future, but oh my god, I want to know. I want to know! This limbo, it’s awful. It’s painful. It’s confusing and it hurts and I hate it. I hate it! I want an answer.
The Mother of Wands. This is not what I want, my heart wails. I want The Lovers, or The Star, or the Two of Cups, or something. Something that isn’t – you will be okay either way. I don’t want to be okay either way. I want to be okay together. Hear me, universe?! TOGETHER! *flips table* *stomps off*
Okay, I didn’t actually flip the table. And I will be honest about the fact that hearing Beatrice talk about this card, described over at Happy Fish Tarot as:
A snake curls protectively around a nest of eggs, a wand held at an angle seems to serve as added armor. This mother is someone you wouldn’t want to mess with. Although she can be kind and warm, she is fierce and loyal, and not afraid to stand her ground.
She holds her values dear to her heart and isn’t afraid to live in a way that lines up with her moral code. She doesn’t do anything halfway – she’s in it to win it. She pours all of her love, originality and unique energy into everything she does. She is a true artist, more mature than the son or daughter.
The background is filled with horizontal lines, colored throughout with orange and red. It gives the Mother of Wands a strong, stable energy. She is so vibrant that she almost has an energy field around her. But unlike the emanating energy of the Son of Wands, her energy is steady. She channels her energy in a more effective way.
More so than any other depiction of the Queen/Mother of Wands, this card gives me the impression of someone who holds their beliefs dearly. She’s willing to fight for what she knows is right. Even so, she knows how to have fun. She has a strong life force, a kind of palatable cheeriness that draws others to her.
In a reading, the Mother of Wands asks you to practice gratitude and protect the things that matter to you. Keep your attitude bright and good things will come your way. Live with your whole heart. You’re not here to half-ass things. Let your zest for life color everything you do!
How this card is so me. How I am living authentically and openly, more than most people she knows. I will admit that even though I don’t want to know that I’m already okay, and I will be okay, either way… still, it felt good. And right. And just like when I drew The Empress the other day, my anger again pointed to somewhere that I’m feeling powerless but actually am not powerless.
(And there was part of me, soft and vulnerable and deep in my heart, that sees hope for a future that includes those tiny humans.)
The commentary – the Ace of Wands. Inspiration, new beginnings. Here, again, a type of card that I see often when I read tarot on this topic. Opportunity, potential, hope. Not a single, specific hope, but hope none-the-less. Beatrice said that this future is all me. And very me. And I agree.
But it didn’t feel done. Right. Finished.
So I drew one more card. Where is my love in this future?
If you thought the Mother of Wands stood her ground, wait until you meet the Father! He is someone you do not mess around with. He knows his domain, and he has complete confidence in his role as the master of this territory. He is the boss here, and in both subtle ways and bold, he’ll make sure this is known.
The background of the card is black, which adds to the dominance of the snake. He stands out as a bold, striking character. He isn’t afraid of the night, or anything else. A bolt of pure red and orange descends. These are the colors of raw power.
The bolt also adds a bit of drama to the card. This Father does have a bit of a flair for the dramatic.He enjoys entertaining, and even if he wouldn’t admit it, he likes keeping others on their toes.You’re never really sure what the Father of Wands is going to do next.
But unlike the Son of Wands, the Father does have a master plan. He’s learned a thing or two, and he doesn’t take action just for the sake of it. He takes measured but bold steps, and it isn’t hard for him to find results.
In a reading, this card can remind you not to shy away from your own power. What do you want to create? How can you use your hard-earned skills to make it happen? What plan feels both solid and exciting to you? The Father of Wands invites you to try out his approach to life and watch the results as they are magnetized towards you.
When we were together, he had a lot of this energy. Playful and a trickster, enjoying the ability to keep me on my toes. I think that’s part of why we connected so well in certain areas that neither of us had been able to explore previously. He liked to be in control, and I liked the way he played with that energy. And he does have it in him to be strong, and brave, and to take “measured but bold steps.” I don’t know if this card means he’s in my future (but can I tell myself they’re a pair? Can I tell myself it means he will be?) but the thought of him finding that boldness and confidence and power and inner strength, and finding more outlets for his gleeful expressions of control… that makes me happy. I would like that for him. (I would like to share that with him, but I would like that for him either way.)
I didn’t draw a commentary card on that last one. It felt a little like I was asking too much, already. Demanding to know more than the spread was freely offering. But that last card felt necessary. It felt right to pull it, and it gave me a lot of hope. I know you can’t read for someone who isn’t there and isn’t asking, but if that’s the role he can play in my future, I will be very happy.
So now I wait. More waiting.
But I wait with the questions brought up in therapy at the forefront of my thoughts – how can I keep myself safe and whole while I wait? What do I need to do so that I am continuing on my path and not caught up in always scanning the world for any sign of his return (or any sign that he’s made a decision at all).
Even if we do end up together, I’m still writing my own story. Forgetting that is what has led to so much pain and codependency in my past, and I’m not going to lose the lessons I’ve struggled so hard to begin to learn.
So.
Hope, yes. And that Ace, like all aces, promising something but not hinting at what. Sit with it. That’s my present – Temperance. The willingness to hold conflicting desires and states in harmony, to find balance, to find healing. That’s what I’m doing now. That’s not what I’m waiting for – if I wait for it, it will never happen. I have to keep doing it now, myself, for me. That’s how this works.
And I can hold my secret hope down deep in my heart, and think about … well. All the ridiculous things I am thinking about!
I’ve drawn this card before, so I knew that it’s supposed to be a negative thing. But this morning, when I sat with the card itself and forgot what I’ve already read in the companion book, this card felt so hopeful.
I think it felt so hopeful because she’s looking up into that bright sky above, and the red thread is tangled around her hands – there’s light at the end of her dark tunnel, and she hasn’t lost her connection to her path and to the one she’s meant to walk it with.
Am I reading way too much of myself into this card? Obviously.
I really like Paige Zee’s post on the Nine of Swords, it resonates for me:
Traditionally, this is the card of nightmares and despair. …
[But] it’s an opportunity to choose action over anxiety.
I believe what’s happening here is a call to bravely face our fears and move forward despite the whispering voices of doubt.
We are called to see how much of our fears are illusions. Let the light in by taking action to further your goals. Focus not on the distant future; plan instead to accomplish what you can do NOW. Adopt the “one step at a time” method. Look to the near future and seize the opportunities of today.
Trust your gut instead of your mind, which can fall prey to worry and doubt and fear and therefore inaction.
You can do this. Everything is more doable than it seems. All you have to do is take one. step. And if your fears worries and doubts are too much, if they are blocking your forward movement, then you can sit with them. Write them down. Talk them out. What are you afraid of, and why?
I really like this interpretation, and it fits with my own gut reaction to the card this morning. It feels encouraging, actually. It’s not about things being easy, but it does seem to be about finding some ease – some comfort from the feeling of being stuck and trapped and unable to move, beleaguered on all sides by Things That Suck. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There’s help from all those lovely crows. There’s a place to go and a way to get there, and despite all the anxiety hanging heavy around, there are actions to take and choices to make.
I have a lot of positive feelings about this card. For one thing, it’s the first card I ever drew for myself from this deck, and it feels welcoming and hopeful and like home. I really see myself in this Fool, with her hopefulness and willingness to take the next step. She’s brave, and it doesn’t always work out, but that’s who she is. That’s how I want to see myself.
But also, I recently did a “what is going on” spread for myself, and this is the card I drew for my springtime love, and it made me feel really hopeful. Maybe he will take on some elements of The Fool. From my companion book:
The Fool is a symbol for new beginnings and adventures, pleasure, passion. … Like The Fool you may stand upon the precipice gazing out into the unknown. … There are unlimited possibilities opening up for the seeker.
But this isn’t that reading (though I would like to write that reading up sometime, because it was lovely and hopeful), this is today. So what is The Fool for me today? Hope, still. Taking risks with the hope of new beginnings, adventures, pleasure, and passion.
Yesterday was an interesting day. I took The Empress to heart and I spent (most of) my day off of social media and thinking about what I could do to bring more creative energy into my life. I picked up supplies for a few crafts, and it felt really good. But the day was also hard, and when I went to sleep I felt drained and discouraged and ready to close doors.
Then I slept.
And I woke up, and there was hope.
So, The Fool for me, today, is the willingness to take the risk of keeping the door open and staying hopeful. She feels right.
There’s an element of action in The Fool, a willingness to take that step into the unknown and uncertain, to trust that it will be okay. That’s the part that I haven’t figured out for myself in today’s draw. I am not sure what action is presenting itself (for me, today, The Fool feels like she’s got a lot of Hanged Man energy, and that actually feels okay – hanging in is an action, and maybe The Fool tells me that it’s worth it).
Queen of Cups 